I sat near the back of the sanctuary on Sunday. On my way to church that morning I almost turned around. I didn’t feel like smiling and shaking hands, pretending that everything was okay. I know that no one expects that of me, but what else can I do? I can’t break down weeping every time someone asks how I am. It takes almost as much energy doing that as pretending I have it all together.
We began worship with “10,000 Reasons” by Matt Redman. I had heard this song so many times that I almost rolled my eyes. This song again, I thought. But then as we began singing, my heart changed. The words were beautiful. As I sang “Sing like never before, Oh my soul,” I realized I was singing a new song. The last time I had sung those words I hadn’t experienced a broken heart. I hadn’t been betrayed by the person that I trusted most. I truly was singing like never before and realized that every day that we live and walk with the Lord, we will have a new kind of song. It’s a song that becomes richer as we worship through the seasons of our lives. It can be a song from a broken heart or one that overflows with joy. I pictured myself singing that song a year ago not knowing what my future held. I thanked God that I was still singing.
As the song continued, “Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes,” I almost wished it said “whatever has passed…let me be singing when the evening comes .” I wanted to declare that yes, what passed was terrible, but I am still singing and will continue singing. I’m not sure how Matt Redman intended those words or what place his “new song” came from. My song had been made new by sorrow, yet I can remember when it was made new by joy. So, I will keep singing through seasons of sorrow and joy, acknowledging that as I sing it is God holding me, giving me the strength to sing. My song is an outward expression of his faithfulness, despite my circumstances.